Balance

Posted: June 16, 2008 in Ramblings

So now I’m active in at least three forums (which is a drop in the bucket, of course), and I’m getting emails throughout the day responding to various comments I might leave in different locations. Hmm…

Not much writing getting done.

I took some time the other day and worked a bit on Autograph. I have my doubts about finishing it (although I think sheer stubborness will win out), if only because I haven’t really found myself liking the book so far. I like the concept, and I even like the story I came up with in my outline. Just not the writing. It isn’t even style or grammar. I just don’t like it that much yet.

I’m going to give it some time, though. I may yet find the story’s voice.

The real difficulty in balance is in having so many conflicting priorities. I have to look for a steady job (which is irksome, ’cause I’d rather get paid to be me – or at least to write). I have ministry to do (I don’t get paid for that usually. I have a little support coming in, but nothing to live on). And, of course, my wife wants my expertise on putting together her homeschooling reports. Sigh.

I know that sometime today I will be prayer walking the neighborhood. I’m convinced this is how God wants me to gather His people together – if only because nothing else has worked!

And maybe part of the problem is having so many stories I want to write – stories I have started and just not been able to finish yet. Heck, I have more of them coming to mind all the time.

Unfortunately, there’s no magic wand I can wave to make this all happen. I have to work at it all slowly and steadily, all the while acknowledging that none of this may go anywhere except for my harddrive. On the other hand, the truth is I’m not really writing for everyone else. I write because I want to. I tell the stories I’m interested in.

And I remain confident that all of this is going to make sense – even bear fruit at some future date.

I planted a garden the other day. We have these woods and underbrush behind our house. I cleared away about 60 square feet, tilled the soil, and planted about seven rows of corn. I’m told most people don’t succeed with corn. I just about broke my lower back working with the shovel and rake (no pick axe or motorized equipment. Just a shovel and rake), not to mention the blisters on each hand. I’ve also contracted a nice bout of poison ivy all up my hands and arms (should’ve seen that coming.).

And now I have this barren patch of earth behind my house. The seeds are in the ground. It’s good soil. The sun is shining, and the rain falls. And in about two months time, I might see some corn. Right now I just get to trust that all my hardwork and pain will pay off.

Now my wife wants me to plant some squash…

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Comments
  1. Katharine says:

    So you planted corn, and you may plant some squash… and you’re planting stories that may grow into books… and books that may grow into income… But you’ve already been planting and cultivating a crop that has the best chance of a good harvest. Nothing we do in His name, in His will, for His glory, shall fail to bear fruit.

  2. Yes, I know. But the question that immediately comes to mind is: what sort of fruit?I must trust God that the seed which He’s given me is good seed, without knowing which sort of seed it is.To me, the whole issue really revolves around trusting God (which I’m speaking about this Sunday at church, so it’s kinda on my mind). Do I trust that God’s version of what is good and best for me is better than what I can come up with. Now, of course it is, but will I believe that it is when it comes to fruition?And can I embrace His vision of what is best, instead of merely resigning myself to it?A lot of Christian faith is time spent walking in the dark, and trusting enough to hold the hand of the One who can see in the dark. I mean, I don’t know where all this is going. I hope it’s going someplace I’m going to like – I even hope it’s going to be what I imagine it to be. But I can’t see the destination. I can barely make out the steps just in front of me (His word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. But it isn’t Google Earth, or a GPS device that will give me realtime display and updated information.). I just get to trust. And that’s hard.

  3. Katharine says:

    Hmmm… realtime display and updated information. Yep, those would be nice features to have in the spiritual realm. And trusting that God’s version of “best” is best, well, that’s needed.I was a pastor’s wife. Then we got hurt, we got thrown around, we got beaten up on the inside. It was awful, and I was very depressed for a long time. But through all that and more, I learned what it was like for me to trust that His “best” is really okay.Waiting for the squash to bloom… but doing okay.

  4. That’s precisely the best and hardest part: trusting that His best is best. ‘Cause truthfully, there’s a lot of times when it feels like it’s the worst.I’ve been in ministry long enough to know what it’s like to be kicked around and beat up. Sometimes our worst enemies aren’t the ones outside the church, but within.I remember one time praying, “God, I don’t like these Christians. Why am I trying to make more of them?”Of course, I’m not trying to make more of ‘them,’ but rather more of Him. But that does help explain why I’m in Church-planting rather than dealing with an ‘established’ church. 😉

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